Maybe I should say “Poor Mr. Bush”, but I won’t.
George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy." So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.
One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," the President said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."
"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the President.
"Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn't be a Great Loss..."
Nachtrag: ginge auch mit Donald Trump
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A lady bought a new BMW. The car cost a fortune and so she had high expectations of the accessories and equipment. Two days later, she brought it back to the garage, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this vehicle is state of the art, and completely automatic! All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and that is what it will play!"
She drove out if the garage - somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson." A crackly voice from within the audio system responded: "Ricky or Willie?".
The woman was astonished. If she asked for Beethoven, the stereo played Beethoven. If she asked for Nat King Cole, she got it.
A couple of months later the woman was waiting at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again". The light turned green and she pulled out, only to see an enormous 4x4 vehicle coming from the street she was crossing speeding toward her. The vehicle was obviously not paying attention to the light.
The lady swerved and narrowly missed a collision.
"Idiot!" she yelled.
And, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States
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And now for some religious jokes, well, somehow…
The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week. On one Sunday an out-of-town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine-looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, ''Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?''
''Why Yes, that would be nice,'' the lady responded.
Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina
''Oh, no,'' said our circumspect fine example of southern womanhood, ''Whatever would I tell my Sunday School class?''
Well, our gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, ''Would you like a smoke?''
''Oh my, goodness no,'' said the woman ''I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did!''
Well, our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose, so he ventured forth with, ''Ahhh ... mmmm how would you like to stop at this motel?''
''Sure, that would be nice,'' she said with anticipation. The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast U- turn right then and there and drove back to the motel and checked in.
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse thought, ''What the heck have I done?''
He shook her awake and pleaded, ''I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class?''
The lady said, ''The same thing I always tell them. ''You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time!!!''
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Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome
One leans over to the other and says, ''I've never come this way before.''
The other nun whispers, ''It's the cobblestones.''
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So they gathered to plan the whole thing and nobody seemed to come up with any viable solution, so they sent out some help-me type faxes.
A couple of days later, answers came back.
* The French fax read: ''As your neighbors, we are deeply touched you requested our help,'' bla, bla, and after 5 pages: ''...but we have no idea at all how to do it.''
* The German fax read: ''We are Germany , the most organized country in Europe . For a project of this dimension, we suggest the following'' bla, bla, more bureaucratic bla bla, and after 5 pages: ''so after three decades you will be able to start.''
* The Italians faxed one page: ''We don't see the problem. In our country everybody drives as he likes to, so we don't need rules that tell us on which lane to go.''
* The Polish fax again had several pages: ''As you know, we are Poland
''We have a great deal of experience in such transition processes. But, as to overcome the inherent difficulties and to avoid social problems, any and all transitions must be done gradually.
''So, it is our proposal to handle the situation in three big steps. The first year, it should be mandatory only for the trucks to ride on the right lane . . .''
Nachtrag kein Wunder dass sie sich für den Breit entschieden haben.
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You just have to know the trick…
It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and waited for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.
The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But the boy dropped in his line ... and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one. This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time.
He went to the boy and said, ''Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?''
The boy responded, ''Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.''
''What was that?'' the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, ''Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.''
''Look,'' said the old man, ''I can't understand a word you are saying.''
So the boy spit into his hand and said, ''You have to keep the worms warm!''
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A young guy from Texas moves to Colorado
The manager says, ''Do you have any sales experience?''
The kid says, ''Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. ''You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.''
His first day on the job was rough but the young man got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down. ''How many sales did you make today?''
''One,'' replies the young man.
''Just one?'' the boss exclaims. ''Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. You're going to have to improve considerably or look for another job! How much was the sale for?''
''$112,237.64,'' the young man replied.
The boss says, ''$112,237.64?! What the hell did you sell?!''
''First I sold him a small fish hook,'' the young man said. ''Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the lake, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a new bass boat. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Ford pick-up. I asked him how long he was going to be out at the lake and, after he said 5 or 6 days I took him down to the RV department and sold him a slide-in camper for the truck.''
Astounded, the boss said, ''A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?''
''No,'' said the young man. ''He came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing!'''
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Two jokes from the category: Misunderstandings
Two guys from Poland meet in New York
One says ''Hey, what are you doing here?''.
The other says: ''I want to polish up my English.''
Replys the first: ''Believe me, your English is Polish enough''.
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A young girl wants to become a reporter and applies for an internship with a London China
''How often do you have elections?''
Says the Chinese: ''Evely molning, evely molning!''
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And now no kids near to you…
A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, ''Where's Mom and dad?'' and she replied, ''they're up in bed.'' The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.
Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma ''where's Mom and Dad?''and she replied ''they're still up in bed.'' Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.
Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma ''where's Mom and dad?'' and his grandmother replied ''they're still up in bed.'' The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, ''What gives?
Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! What is going on here?'' The little boy replied, ''Well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue.''
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Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
Cathy giggled and confessed, ''I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.''
Dawn quietly sipped her whiskey until Tracy
''Why the postman?'' asked Cathy.
''Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box
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A Mother had three virgin daughters. They were all getting married, and mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started. She made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex was going.
The first daughter sent a card from her honeymoon in Hawaii
The second girl sent her card from Vermont
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean . Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Mom started to get really worried. Then after a month, the card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky hand writing were the words "British Airways".
Mom took out her latest Harpers Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."
Mom fainted ....
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Tea will never be the same…
Three vampires went to a bar. The first ordered a glass of blood. The second ordered one too. But the third ordered a cup of hot water. The first two vampires were confused.
They ask: “Hey, what’re you doing? What's going on?”
“Just a moment,” the third vampire said, as the waiter brought the ordered drinks.
He took a used tampon out of his pocket and said:
''It's tea time!''
Have a nice week end.
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